THE LAST OF US: MY ZOMBIE SURVIVALIST TEAM

We’ve all done it.  We’ve all picked our group.  We’ve all run through the scenarios in our minds and with others.

Who would you want in your zombie apocalypse group?

In addition to my wife and daughter, these are the guys, and why:

Zombie Ronald ReaganBecause as Rick Grimes has shown us, every team needs a good leader, and I’d take zombie Reagan over any living, breathing, non flesh-eating candidate that may or may not be in office today.

Daryl DixonBecause, duh.  He’s also Georgia boy, and proof that there was something to that Hank Williams, Jr. song after all.

Perry the Platypus (Agent P)—Because he’s a semi-aquatic, egg-laying mammal of action; a furry little flatfoot who’ll never flinch from a fray, and he’s got more than just mad skill—he’s got a beaver tail and bill.   And those qualities could come in handy.

Les StroudBecause Stroud is the real-deal survivalist, not some lollygagging “former S.A.S” douchebag who stays in hotels with his camera crew after a hard day of shooting some backdrops and set pieces.  Stroud—host of the Discovery Channel’s Survivorman—and his wife spent one year in the Canadian wilderness, deep in the Wabakimi, to attempt a paleolithic existence.  They started with a tepee, then an attached A-frame using no metal, plastic, or manufactured tools, then built and equipped a winter cabin using an axe and a bow saw.  And hey, I figure anyone who can find food and water under a rock or make a rifle sling from dried deer guts has a thing or two to teach me about staying alive.

Theo FleuryBecause you just need a scrapper, and Fleury’s career in the NHL was nothing but.  At 5’6″ the guy was the Wolverine of professional hockey, cleaning the clocks of guys twice his size and never backing down from a fight.

Amos “Black Dog” HarlowBecause Amos is a hobo and knows all the back roads and byways where few people are; he’d also know where we could score food, supplies, a safe place to sleep, and his knowledge of folk magic and the occult would be useful when dealing with the undead (because we don’t know if it’s just a virus; it might be because Hell is full.)  And also because Amos is my creation—the protagonist in my books BLACK DOG: THE LONG DARK ROAD and BLACK DOG: PROPHET IN THE WILDERNESS.  The first is available now, the second is coming this Spring.  So, shameless plug.  Shut up–it’s my blog.

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3 responses

  1. Dear sir,

    I applaud your survival team, however, if I may make one or two suggestions…

    Jack Reacher – he’s also a bit of a hobo and therefore has hobo skills, but he’s an ex-military killing machine, detective hobo with an analytical, problem-solving mind, who also happens to be every man and woman’s action hero fantasy according to the advertising blurb on the back of my copy of Killing wossname, the first one.

    Napoleon Dynamite – survival means skills, and he’s got nunchuk skills, bow-hunting skills, he can tame a sweet ride and he’ll draw you probably the best drawing he’s ever done. AND it’s a map.

    Wolverine – who knows, his mutation probably means he’s immune to zombie bites. And he’s handy in the kitchen on account of always having a knife up his sleeve, as it were…

    11/08/2012 at 1:36 pm

    • Good Doctor,

      While I approve of your Jack Reacher, my hobo has the aforementioned skills in folk magic and hexes, and can also play a mean blues guitar–you know, if we get bored with no “reality TV.”

      And Monsieur Dynamite would certainly be a welcome diversion from the awful reality of a zombie apocalypse, but I believe it would get tiresome hearing him tell the shambling horrors to “get their own tots.”

      And as for Wolverine, I already HAVE an angry, violent, scrappy Canadian in Mr. Fleury.

      But I applaud you, sir, on your choice of survivalists! Add a few more to round them out and repost them here; get some other guys to do the same and we can compare and contrast them.

      11/08/2012 at 4:05 pm

  2. Sir,

    Where I come from there is an old, old saying: two angry, violent, scrappy Canadians are better than one. I merely wished to supplement your own choice.

    The other advantage of Dynamite is he can a) distract the zombies with dancing, and b) there’s no way he can run faster than us, dawg – you don’t need to outrun the lion, just the other dude. By lion of course, I mean zombie horde.

    Jack Reacher might not be able to play blues guitar, but he has an encyclopaedic knowledge of the blues and can rearrange blues tunes to any key in his mind, so he could sit around a campfire making blues guitar noises. I’m sure you’ll agree, sir, that that is EXACTLY the same thing.

    But in the interests of zombie-apocalypse survival I shall make new suggestions for the party

    You have your wife, I’ll take Salma Hayek because she’s been in quite a few Robert Rodriguez films and so won’t be overwhelmed by all the gore and monsters but probably does know how to use a gun. And it’ll be necessary to repopulate the world at some point. I’m willing to make that sacrifice.

    The Walking Dead has taught me that we’ll need to protect ourselves from other humans as much as the zombies, but violence and diplomacy go hand in hand – it’s about knowing when to talk and when to apply a roundhouse kick to the face. We need that sage wisdom, we need that judgement. Therefore, WE NEED CHUCK NORRIS.

    But your blues ‘ting has got me thinking, we also need a good accompanying soundtrack, something evocative – we need the guy who composed Paris, Texas. Ry Cooder, step this way. And he can do something more bouncy and fun for when we tire of slide guitar, bluesy Americana from our pair of guitar slingers.

    Internet, we throw the floor open to you…

    Sincerely yours,

    S. Frood, Dr.

    11/08/2012 at 5:25 pm

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